The Value of Imaginary Friends

“The best part of reality is your imagination.”  (A truly quotable quote from my son Gavin)

When the Covid-19 provincial recommendations for isolation and social distancing first came into effect, I was overcome with a deep-seated feeling of loneliness—or maybe “aloneness” would be a better word?  In fairness I am neither truly lonely or alone as I have my three children and three dogs to keep me company at all times. Regardless, it suddenly struck me that if I were in a crisis I would turn to my family—my parents, grandmother, one of my siblings, or an aunt—but given the current cultural climate of fear, I wasn’t sure that I would even be welcome in their homes due to the possibility that I would be carrying this terrible pandemical virus and be putting my loved ones at incredible peril.  I’m not sure that pandemical is really a legitimate word but I like it and I am invoking my writer’s prerogative to use it as such.  Of course I do have dear friends and family members that I can always call on the phone if I need to—if I can catch them when it’s convenient—but other than my husband, who also works away for two weeks at a time, I don’t really have that “best friend” person in my life to turn to.

Actually, ever since high school I have resisted the urge to even use the “best” description of a friend.  Every friend is dear to me in different ways and to classify one as a best friend has always seemed terribly un-friend-like.  It implied that other friends were not as special or important.  And then the thought always came to my mind that there was a possibility that while I could consider someone my “best friend”, I may not actually fall into that category for them.  In that case, can you still claim to be “best friends”?  It was all too much for me to even bear to think about.  As a result, I have always preferred to refer to my friends with “my dear friend so and so”. And this entire train of thought was what prompted my revelation about the brilliance of imaginary friends.

I really do feel that the media is to blame for my current distress. On TV and in the movies, girls always have these amazing groups of girlfriends that they’ve known for a million years.  These friends know them inside-out and will drop everything to give support when needed.  They say things like “remember that time that you…” and they laugh so hard together over it.   They can’t make it through the day without texting and they phone each other anytime on a whim, and of course they always answer.  They have a million inside jokes and know absolutely everything about each other; they go for lunch, drink wine together, laugh out loud together, share the same opinions about the people they gossip over, and even travel to places like Las Vegas together.  I’m not sure how realistic this all is, but I want it.  And I decided that if I couldn’t have it in real life then I could just make it up.  And so I did.

I have thoughtfully created/crafted my very own imaginary best friend!  I don’t remember having an imaginary friend as a child, but I am so pleased with myself for having discovered this incredible coping mechanism in adulthood.  While I of course consciously know that she isn’t real, I have to say that she has given me a lot of comfort, and also a lot of laughs.  My husband thinks that I’m really losing my mind and has fierce concerns over this revelation that I’ve had.  My kids think it’s hilarious and are very happy to play along.  They ask if Auntie Jilly is going to come visit us this summer or if we can go visit her.  They just love their Auntie Jillian!  And so do I!  To clarify, I don’t pretend that she’s standing in my kitchen with me, but I did have an imaginary phone call with her to really frustrate my husband.  I had to tell her what he had said to me!  She would understand!  My role playing on the phone prompted so much laughter that I had tears in my eyes.  I sure hope that he can learn to accept this new diversion of mine.

What I also love is that now that I’ve invented this amazing friend, I know that at some point I can secretly inject her into conversations with acquaintances and no-one will be the wiser!  I can actually imagine myself saying the words: “This one time my best friend Jilly...”

So, what do you think?  Is this a revolutionary new coping strategy?  Or should I perhaps seek counselling?  Are you having any thoughts about creating your own imaginary best friend?  (If so, maybe we can all go for coffee together...when the pandemic is over of course.)